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”The Boy Scout just smiles. “Don’t worry, Your Holiness. The world’s smartest man just jumped out of the plane wearing my backpack!”The following items are compliments of J & B.After the brief Falkland Islands war, a British regiment commander was addressing some troops under his command who had heroically performed above and beyond the call of duty. He informed them that Her Majesty’s Army had committed to reward each of the three soldiers 100 pounds per inch of distance between two different parts of the man’s body.The commander addressed the first soldier, “Where would you like to be measured, Sergeant?”“From the tip of me head to the soles of me feet, Sir!”, he replied.“Very good!”, the commander said, and the sergeant was measured at 6’5”. He was paid the handsome sum of 7000 pounds.The second soldier was asked, “What about you, Corporal?”“Between the tips of the fingers of me outstretched arms, Sir!”, the corporal said.“Very good!”, replied the commander. The corporal, a man of. If I have to see them for ten more seconds, I'll freakout. I need to talk to someone who knows me, who understands me.I need my mother. Right now."Look, Terri. I gotta find my mom. Will you stay here and keep any eyeon Gretchen for me? I won't be long, I promise. Everything's goingsmoothly anyway." Sure, I'll relieve you, Captain. Where's your mom at?" I don't know ... but I see Coach Tobey over by the exit near the kitchen.He'll know where she is."I stand up and start to reach for my purse then decide to leave it here."You sure you're cool with this, Terri? I don't have to ..."She waives her hand dismissively. "Go. Find your mom. Have a good cry.You need it." Thanks a lot." Besides, what could possibly go wrong?"* * * *** * * * *** * * *I grab the phone."Wake up boys! She's on the move and she's alone! Looks like she'sheaded for an exit, the one by the kitchen ... wait, she's stopped. Damnit! Bitch, if you don't ... she's talkin' to this old dude ... still talkin'... FUCK YEAH!.
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